Depression - Negativity - Suicidal Thoughts
Depression is a word used by our modern society to describe a variety of states of consciousness and habitual ways of thinking, feeling and behaving in the world.
Typically, people who have been labelled as “depressed” or suffering from “depression” have some of the following symptoms – sadness, despair, tiredness, lethargy, grief, frustration, guilt, anger, sleeplessness, overeating, loss of appetite etc. These symptoms and patterns of thought and emotions, tend to move in a cycle of its own, once it emerges in a person’s mind.
When faced with a solid blank wall in front of you, there is no way out unless you break that wall down or face another direction
The cycle may have begun from something very real in one’s life as a result of loss, trauma, fear, phobias, illness etc. Whatever the cause, like a train of domino tiles, each symptom builds upon itself and soon, the person is in the wheel of depression where tiredness leads into frustration, which in turn escalates feelings of guilt and anger and so causes sleeplessness. For people who are depressed, the repetitive cycle has begun and unless the symptoms are identified and the source dealt with, we are only dealing with the surface of the matter.
Looking around us, it may seem like more and more people we know are suffering from depression either openly or quietly. With the increasing stress in people’s lifestyle, many resort to using prescribed medication with a bid to help keep depression at bay. For some, this is enough to gain a balance back to normality but for most, the underlying cause still roars fiercely within their emotional, mental or spiritual aspects of their personality. For many, having to navigate through depression feels like a lonely and confusing journey, however it is important to keep in mind that you are not alone and that this is only a stage you are passing through as you head towards great things ahead.
Life has colour in unexpected places. All you have to do is look.
Often, emotional difficulties are rooted in a combination of our genetic nature and the person whom we have become because of our life experiences. Our mind manages the impact of our experiences and therefore sometimes, it creates various forms of defences to help us through life disappointments, past hurts and failed expectations.
Negative mindframes are moulded as a result of these experiences at an unconscious level. It may be a negative mindframe towards the self, others or situation. For close friends and family, they may find it difficult to communicate with such a person, and hence increase the divide even more with the failure to relate to one another.
We can be partners
However, it is important that we remember that we are naturally meant to operate from our heartframes instead of our mindframes. Take a moment to notice how a child responds to people and situations. When a child shares his lollypop with his mother, he does so from the heart. When he hugs a puppy, he does so from the heart. A child has an innate heart and mind frame that is neither positive or negative. Its mind is clear and focused at its target. Stop the tug of war and trust your whole self to guide you.
Any negative mindframes we may carry in your consciousness was trained into us and adopted by us. During a session, we will address the pain or disconnection surrounding the experiences that warranted the creation of this negative mindframe. We will enter a space of internal stillness where we can access the wisdom that resides within and allows us to rise up to a new level as we welcome the opportunity to trust and be receptive of new ideas and possibilities. This sets the stage for change to occur which in turn impacts on the way you feel about the world and how you relate to others.
Case Scenario 1: Mindshift
Sally was an elderly woman who gave her whole life to her children and grandchildren. She was at a stage in her life where she felt empty, unfulfilled and in many ways unappreciated. She felt that the majority of her life consisted of relationships where she was misunderstood and unheard. Despite her forgiving and light hearted nature people found her difficult to live with for long periods. She found herself wanting to defend herself often and felt that people including her family was unfair towards her.
She attended one session after which, she returned overseas. We worked to change her expectation of her environment and people in her life. We also addressed the changes she felt she wanted to make for herself and gave her the connection within her being to effect the changes when she felt most appropriate.
Her daughter called me a couple of weeks later and said “I don’t know what you did but my mother is a changed person. In the past, people dreaded talking to her because she would have so much to complain about but now, she is getting on fine with my sister-in-law. She is like a different person, so much more easier to live with. We definitely notice the difference.”
Case Scenario 2: Mindshift
Betty was a young woman who had a very bright future as a national sports representative. Due to a chain of events, her vision of the future began to crumble around her and her life took a different course over the last three years. When she came to see me, life was uncertain, relationships were strained, her future looked bleak and her attitude indecisive. Within three sessions, this all changed and she began to effect positive changes in her life.
I received a letter from her parent who had paid for her sessions. She wanted to share her progress. “Betty has gathered positive energy to go forward with the organisation of her life and make firm decisions and carry them through. On a daily basis, I notice her analysing situations with a positive attitude, therefore creating positive results for everyone.”
For anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts, it is important to be aware that you are not alone. Many people have passing thoughts of suicide at some point in their lives and people do come out of it. It may seem very hard at times but keep in mind, that you will get through this.
Some important things that people who are experiencing suicidal thoughts need to know are ...
- What you are experiencing is temporary, no matter how bad you may be feeling right now. With time and support, you can overcome your problems and the pain and suicidal feelings will pass and subside.
- Thoughts come and go all the time. Sometimes you have a lot of great happy thoughts and other times you have not so nice thoughts. Nothing in life stays forever, even these destructive thoughts has to end sometime.
- Feeling suicidal is not a character defect. You may feel stupid, crazy, weak and inadequate etc but you are not that at all. There will come a time in the future when you will look back at this and realise that these experiences that you are struggling with now, has made you into a much stronger, smarter and more compassionate person.
- When suicidal thoughts arise, it often means that you are experiencing more pain than you can handle right now. It can feel very much like being stuck in a very dark cave with no way out. The pain can seem overwhelming, suffocating and permanent at times but like all caves, you just need to keep a clear mind and keep going because every cave has a way out.
- You have people who care about you because 'you are important', so stay strong. Sometimes people don't know how to show you how much you mean to them. They may be shy or reserved about showing too much emotions. Or they may simply not know how. They may know you are sad but they are waiting for you to share your thoughts with them when you are ready because they respect you and trust that you to tell them if you need help.
- It is OK to share your troubles with others. Keeping things to yourself in your mind will only lead to more confusion. If you fill a bowl with all types of pebbles, stones, rocks and diamonds; you wont be able to see the beauty of the diamonds. Take out the pebbles, stone and rocks by sharing the workload with others (by asking others to help you sort through them), and you can all enjoy the outcome of what you find.
- Share your thoughts with the right people. Who you share your thoughts with is very important. Sometimes when you share your thoughts with others, you may feel like they don't understand you and that can make you feel even more alone. If that happens, then it just means that you have shared it with the wrong person. Perhaps they are busy with their own problems. Or they may panic because they don't know what to do and instead of being there for you, they worry more about you. And that may not make you feel good. So, it is not surprising that it may feel hard to share with very close friends and family. However, you always have the choice of calling Lifeline or someone you feel drawn to. They may not know you very well but they can help you see a different perspective. Sometimes, that is exactly what you need to discover a better solution that you never thought of.
- There is always a solution to any problem we experience ... but you may not have thought of it yet. That is why it is good to try talking with different people ... because someone else may have had a similar problem and figured it out long before you.
NO need to pretend
It is OK to call out for Help!
Someone special loves you
You are never alone
A personal account from someone who has been there and come back:
Everything that happened in the past is part of your book of life. It may have been a chapter or a different book altogether. You are the author of your life, so if the current plot is not to your liking, step off the book and write another.
I came to Pollin in a state of acute helplessness, my life’s experiences through childhood and subsequent hurtful marriage all boiling over and leaving my life in absolute paralysis.
I had experienced an awful two years of trying to access some sort of treatment via the Auckland mental health (public) system, only fully realising after 2 years of desperate attempts with them that the more you required proper counselling and treatment, the more harmful to you they could be. I felt convinced at this stage that for me there was no path out of this complete darkness, leaving my days so riddled with anxiety and depression that I was confined to my room, suffering a panic attack even to walk down the hallway to the toilet.
I was suffering many physiological symptoms as a result of this ongoing and relentless anxiety/depression, the most predominant of which was acute pains in my stomach and abdomen area and a feeling of extreme fatigue in my body from the onslaught of adrenaline, constantly pumping through me as I lived in fight or flight mode; my body was literally under attack. At this time I was contemplating suicide on a daily basis, very much fantasising about the relief that ending my walk on this earth would bring to my aching spirit.
When you have come from such a horrible place, it’s very hard to articulate in words that seem appropriate my experience of Pauline. I do not profess to have understanding beyond the idea of her methodology, nor will I try to explain it other than what I experienced as a client. Many people who are damaged require such individualised attention in order to make true progress, “off the shelf” process will not work in many cases; Pollin is one of those that truly understand this. Her very multi-dimension method of psychiatry, body talk and hypnosis has profoundly affected me in a positive way. I am not saying I walked into her office in the condition described above and walked out 100% cured, but in 3 visits and a lot of effort, I have come from the state above mentioned to now having just started a degree at university.
What Pollin did in working with me on those 3 visits was to remove the massive pains in my stomach and abdomen and help rewire parts of me to help me see possibility in myself and my life where previously I could see only darkness; Pollin helped me see the possibility of a future that looked better than I would have ever thought possible. With continued hard work, I am making steps in that positive direction now. All that... only 3 visits with this amazingly insightful, special and unique practitioner; if you find yourself lucky enough to even have heard of Pollin Kamell, lucky enough to be pondering whether to access her for help, I believe you have just found your very best chance at a new beginning. I speak of a scenario that is very much high on the spectrum of human damage; but where ever you find yourself in this spectrum of human difficulty and pain, have a little smile inside as you hold up Pauline’s card and phone her now!
While I am still challenging very much some extremely hard wired negativity, bashed into me from childhood, I am indeed challenging them and feel now I am making progress into the light more and more. I still have days where it seems all too much, but I know it’s because I am meeting head on these stubborn old belief patterns.
The difference now is I actually feel like I am pushing through in the right way and the future possibilities seem almost too scarily good to consider!! (But I bloody well am considering them☺)
Mark F. (Tauranga)
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